Deciding to marry the love of your life shouldn’t only be influenced by the amount of affection that you feel for your partner, especially considering that marriage is more of a commitment than just pure emotion. Staying in the marriage is a conscious decision, which means that leaving is one too.
Not to be the bearer of bad news, but almost half of all first marriages end in divorce. There can be several reasons why couples choose to divorce one another, such as infidelity, lack of clear communication, unrealistic expectations, physical or emotional abuse, and money.
While all these reasons to divorce carry weight in varying degrees, financial problems are one of the most common deal breakers in a marriage. That’s why it’s important to discuss both parties’ finances before marriage because this is as much of a financial matter as it is romantic.
Marriage is one of the biggest financial contracts that a person could enter in their life, which is why most legal professionals recommend couples to consider drafting prenuptial agreements. This is because the agreement will dictate how their assets, properties, investments, and liabilities will be divided if they choose to divorce.
However, because many couples neglect to take their financial situations seriously in the beginning of their relationship, all the burdens of settling the matters will arise during the divorce proceedings. And if you still don’t know by now, divorces can get really messy. Here’s what you can do to deal with a messy divorce:
Get the Right Legal Representation
The first thing you have to understand is that even the most amicable divorces are hard because it symbolizes the end of an era – it makes your new situation more real, especially once the divorce decree is finalized. Therefore, you must allow yourself to feel your emotions and grieve for the end of your relationship.
But that doesn’t mean that you should let your emotions take charge. Before you start acting irrationally, it’s important for you to consult a divorce attorney who can guide you through the complex and emotional journey, while advising you about the most effective approach to handle your situation.
The right legal representative will put your best interests at heart during the process, discuss your options with you, and help you arrive at a solution that’s most appropriate for your divorce. Having the right person in your corner can also help you have fewer regrets in the future.
That said, a messy divorce is anything but easy. This means that you and your soon-to-be ex-spouse cannot make an agreement on almost anything, which can include the division of your assets and liabilities, or child custody and support arrangements. When this happens, the divorce can be physically and mentally taxing for both parties.
Try to Settle through Mediation
Just because you’re off to a rough start doesn’t mean that you can’t attempt to have an amicable divorce. Like the timeless saying, your divorce “is not over until it’s over.” You should also keep in mind that the messy divorce won’t only affect you, but your children as well.
The children who are caught in the crossfire of two warring parents can be left traumatized by the entire experience. This is especially true if you or your soon-to-be ex-spouse are using your children to manipulate the situation for personal gains. As painful as this divorce is on your part, your children deserve better than to be treated like pawns in a chess match.
So, if you can settle the matters in mediation, you should try to do it for the sake of your children. You can take all the time in the world to discuss who gets what properties, who pays for child support, or who will get custody. The important thing is that both of you are willing to negotiate all the details of your divorce.
Acknowledge Your Mistakes
In this situation, you might feel like you are the victim because your soon-to-be ex-spouse has taken advantage of you in several ways. It’s possible that you’re completely faultless, but there’s also a possibility that you’re partly to blame for the way things are ending between you.
After all, it takes two to tango. Maybe the gravity of your partner’s faults are heavier, but you should acknowledge the fact that you may have also committed some mistakes in your relationship. Those mistakes may not have brought about this divorce, but it could have contributed in one way or another.
No one is perfect on their own, but two people can communicate and compromise on a solution that works for both of them. That may be where your relationship started faltering, and you just failed to notice the cracks that are already there. So if you didn’t communicate enough, that’s already a mistake on your part.
Divorces are never easy, but most of the time, they are necessary. You can’t stay in a loveless and unhappy marriage because you don’t want to deal with the complexities of the situation; that’s no way to live. Even if it’s messy and complicated, you need to go ahead with it if you think it’s the right solution for you.